1. You can’t win an argument.
When there is an argument, when everybody tries to win others to his way of thinking using logical arguments – only this has never happened yet. Everybody has a point of view, so trying to convince him that he is wrong is next to pointless.
Even if you do – what will happen – you have made him feel inferior and hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph. And – “A man convinced against his will Is of the same opinion still.”
Active Listening is VERY useful conversation technique that can work MIRACLES to your communication skills.
Private or/and professional.
Its basic idea is quite simple ( like most ingenious ideas ) :
Make sure that your conversation partner knows, that you REALLY listen to him AND that you understand what is he saying.
Sound simple? This is only because it IS simple. Nonetheless it can solve some pretty complicated issues especially in conflict situations.
Lets have a look at a sample conversation about living in the city/living out of town. The same principles apply to some real life conflicts that you might have with your spouse or a colleague.
It goes like this:
A : It is better to live in the city, because you have access to social life. (I have good argument on my side)
B : It is good to live out of town because you can have bigger house, yard, and room for your kids (I also have some good reasons for me)
At this point B wants to talk about his own stuff and does not aknowledge that he heart the argument of A. So A continues to talk about his stuff
A: In the city you can really walk to the cinema, go to a bar, meet nice people.
B: Out of town you can enjoy the nature.
You see where it is going and sometimes it really does not end well.
So what we can do about it?
Basically just REPEAT what you are hearing with your own words. That it!
A : It is better to live in the city, because you have access to social life.
B : So you want to say, that living in the city gives you more opportunities to meet people? (Acknowledge that you understand what you have heart)
A : Exactly
B : Ok, this is of course nice. For me living in out of town gives you the opportunity to have bigger and nicer house. I really enjoy nature. And I think this is good possibility to relax.
Notice that B has used the same reasoning as in the first case. But the effect is quite different in the second situation. A really knows that his conversation partner knows what he is talking about. And this makes him wanting to hear the arguments of B. This gives the whole situation completely different mood and most of the time this can solve even some intense arguments.
Try this out right away – you will amazed by the results.
It is very simple technique, but if you apply it can have HUGE impact on your social connections and your whole life
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
There is a old saying that stupid people want to talk about themselves, and smart people want to talk about others – apply this and you might be astonished. Everyone has something that really interests him and he wants to talk about it – if you find this the person will think of you as the most enjoyable conventionalist. And this will barely require for you to speak – just listen and let the other person the most of the talking.
Show that you care and listen to the other person and do this sincerely and with full attention and heart!
5. How to interest people – talk in terms of other person’s interests.
If you want to find an interesting topic – try with something interesting to the other person. “The royal road to person’s heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most.”
6. How to make People like you Instantly – Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.
Find something about the other person, that you admire – and tell him/her about it. Sometimes it might be hard to do, but it pays off – you can totally change other person’s mood and the way he treats you.
“If you just radiate little happiness and pass on a bit of honest appreciation without trying to get something in return – you will get a feeling that flows and sings in your memory.”
1. Become genuinely interested in other people
When talking to someone – first think about what he might be interested in, or what is bothering him. Putting the interest of other people first is the way to make friends and be successful with people. Show your genuine interest when meeting someone, show your enthusiasm, show that you care about them.
Smiling not only warms other people and makes them happy – smiling makes YOU happy, even when you are alone. Smile “costs nothing, but creates much, it enriches those who receive, without impoverishing those who give”.
3. Remember persons’s name and use it
The sound of the own name has profound effect on everyone. Andre Carnegie found out as child, that other kids would go and pull clover for his rabbits if he names the rabbits after them.
The simple principle of using person’ name can literally work wonders when it comes to people relationships. Almost all successful people use it and put extra effort to remember the names of everyone they meet.
So you want to remember names easily: when meeting someone just repeat the name after you hear it and try to associate it with something about the person.
By using it later you will let the person the most warm and pleasing sound in the world for him – his name.
The classical book “How to win friends and influence other people” by Dale Carnegie might be one of the most useful books ever written.
Here I offer you a short summary of the topics presented within the book. Learning these principles and applying them to your daily life has changed the lives of many generations of people.
Part 1 – Fundamental principles
1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain
An important thing to know is that nobody thinks badly of himself – even criminals. So when we criticize somebody we only face his resentment and inner defense against us. So when you are tempted to criticize someone or prove him wrong – just remember how useless and contra productive this will be.
2. Give a person feeling of importance
Sigmund Freud has said that there we are all driven by two simple things: sexual urge and feeling of importance. Feeling important has been driving people’s actions for thousands of years; a man can be best understood if we look how he gets his feeling of importance. Everybody craves for this – one way or another – remembers this when talking to someone – be it your colleague, boss, employee or spouse.
Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Think about the interests and desires of the other person
If you can arouse in other person an eager want – you will go a long way. Just think of Tom Sawyer – when he had to paint the fence – he made it look prestigious and the other kids offered to help him and painted the complete fence themselves and paid him for him!
Henry Ford said that “If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”
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